


The Ghost of Christmas Past

by Amydiddle



Series: Growing Up Parts of a Whole [14]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Poetry, Sanders Sides - Freeform, baby sides, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-23 23:23:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amydiddle/pseuds/Amydiddle
Summary: Anxiety's first Christmas with the others was something special considering it was over twenty years he was waiting.





	The Ghost of Christmas Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is moved from my tumblr.
> 
> The idea that Logic and Morality were 'Learning and Heart' and also that the sides are locked up in rooms but there developing slowly comes from an amazing fic by FrickinGwaine called "Learning for the Heart". I loved the idea a lot and adopted it into my own HCs.

_In the mind palace of Thomas’ head_  
_Lived three sides that were snug in bed._  
_The stockings were hung and the tree blinged out,_  
_(Roman, that is not how it would be described.)_  
_(Well this is how it is going to be transcribed!)_  
_Because no one was thought to still be about._  
_This was not true for, as you can you see,_  
_There had always been a number of sides that was greater than three._  
_A new boy had left his shadowy cave_  
_Trying to learn what this new world gave._  
_What he found was bright lights, laughter, and hearts_  
_Yet he did not find the rest of Thomas’ parts…_

* * *

* * *

Anxiety peered out in the living room from the small crack he had made in the door to the basement. He had not been up in awhile and seeing the place still lit up was strange. A tree decorated with lights and baubles now sat in front of a fire place that had not existed last month.

Three large socks, stockings he told himself, hung in front of the fire place. One had a dog face on it, one was a plain blue, and the last was a mickey mouse one. Cookies and a glass of milk sat out on the coffee table.

Anxiety stared at everything in confusion. His mind slowly working to pull from the host’s own memories to understand what he was seeing.

Christmas Eve.

A time filled with family and cookies, carols and fun movies. A time where Thomas was up late waiting for a man he was starting to doubt was real. Anxiety blamed himself for that doubt, he always made Thomas doubt.

He pulled at his hoodie’s long sleeves as he crept into the room. Gently letting his hand touch the stockings. They already had presents inside them. He wanted to peak inside but he knew that it was not his place.

The anxious side wondered who had put them there. They were just figures of imagination; parts of a personality. There was no way Santa Claus could come into their little home and leave the presents. The proof of that was the uneaten cookies and full glass of milk.

The young side sat down on the couch and ate a cookie. Looking over all the holiday decorations. Who ever did all this they had done an amazing job. He loved looking over it all.

Heart was probably the main force behind the decorating with Creativity putting the extra sparkle. He wondered what it had been like; the three older sides all in the living room bickering and laughing as they got ready to celebrate the holidays.

Anxiety wished he had the strength to reveal himself to them. He wished he could have joined them in the holiday festivities.

He looked at the cookie in his hand; the sprinkle covered Santa smiled brightly at him even though he was missing an arm.

“Maybe next year,” he sighed and put the cookie on the plate.

The small side made his way to the kitchen and went to get more supplies so he would have more food in his room.

* * *

* * *

_  
Christmases came and then they went_  
_Yet none of them were really spent_  
_With the other three sides that lived up above;_  
_Yet the young lad still dreamt of their love._  
_It took a few years for him to be found_  
_But still the young child could not be unwound._  
_This little side, made of Anxiety and fear,_  
_Found himself unable to join in their holiday cheer._

* * *

* * *

 

Coming and going from the basement had taken time to adjust to but the young facet had finally gotten used to it.

Anxiety still had the habit of listening before he opened the door and jumping a little when he saw one of the older three in the common area but it was fine. Now he did not have to worry about introductions, or small talk, or even them hating him. He already knew where they stood on his presence.

Heart was excited but contained himself, Logic was dismissive, and Creativity hated his guts for some reason. This was the fact of the mind palace.

Another fact was that Virgil had no idea what happened around Christmas time as he had always been in the basement with his own work. Making Thomas worry about family gatherings and excite him enough over what the presents would be was tough work. Add that to the general other worries that came with being a teenager.

The youngest side stared at the mess of the common room from his spot at the basement door. It looked like someone had thrown up red and green and sparkles.

In the middle of it all was Patton and Roman; stick together in a ridiculous two-human sweater that was as red and green as the rest of the mess. It was not surprising that Roman had made sure he was on the side that said ‘nice’ while Patton’s said ‘naughty’.

“Anxiety!” Patton beamed brightly when he saw the youngest side. Momentarily forgetting about how he was stuck with Roman as he bounded over to give a one-armed-hug the boy. “I was just about to break free and come get you. We are doing our Christmas planning~”

Virgil stared at Heart a little confused at the statement, “Get me? Why?”

“Family tradition, right Ro?” Patton looked at his ‘Nice’ companion.

Roman looked up from the scroll he had and looked at Anxiety like it was the first time he noticed the other side. “Oh…hello Anxiety. What are you doing from your creepy cave?”

Anxiety rolled his eyes, “Looking for food. Since when were you on the nice list?”

“Excuse you, I am Santa’s favorite helper!”

“I wanted to get you so you could be in the family tradition,” the emotional side said before the two could start bickering, “We can make you a stocking and decorate the tree. Make cookies and you can even join in on the Secret Santa drawing! It is so much fun finding gifts for everyone.”

Anxiety’s heart swelled up with a tiny bit of hope that he usually wanted to keep dead.

Heart was actually asking him to be apart of Christmas; to spend an important holiday with them. He could not believe it…this had to be a trick.

“I…I don’t know, Pat,” Anxiety mumbled.

“Please?” Heart pouted. “I want you to be there.”

“If Anxiety does not feel up to such a loud and bright tasks then we should not force him, Heart.”

The three sides looked over as Logan entered the room. The logical facet had a terrible Christmas themed sweater vest and had a large box. Probably more decorations to add to the mess.

“Besides, prolonged social interaction may not be ideal with how much he is working right now for Thomas.”

“I have been meaning to talk to you about that,” Roman suddenly cuts in and looks directly at Anxiety. “Can’t you stop? Just for a moment? Let Thomas enjoy his Christmas without worrying about knowing some distant relative that came to give him cool presents?”

“Creativity,” Heart frowned, “It is not Anxiety’s fault that Thomas is a little extra nervous.”

Roman frowned, “He is the literal embodiment of Anxiety, Patton, how is it not his doing?”

The hope in Anxiety’s chest died. Logan gave good reasons on why he should not join in and Roman seemed not to keen on the new side stepping in to join in on the fun.

Patton was doing his best to defend the younger’s place in the family but Anxiety made up his mind.

“It’s fine guys,” he said softly, “I don’t really want to do this anyway.”

Patton stopped mid-lecture to look at the boy in front of him. “But…kiddo…”

“Logic is right, I don’t want to get overstimulated. I shouldn’t push myself,” Anxiety tucked his hands into his over sized hoodie’s sleeves for comfort. “Besides, I just came up here for a snack. I am kind of worn out; Thomas napping is giving me a break.”

“Are you really sure you don’t want to join us?” Patton asked calmly.

Virgil did not dare to look at the eldest’s pleading eyes. He just started to move towards the kitchen. “Yeah. You guys have fun….I guess.”

“Alright then!” Roman said, taking over the situation as Anxiety left it, “I think we need to start with the tree…”

* * *

 

* * *

 

 _Years did pass, more and more._  
_And the side did find it was a chore_  
_To stay away from the other three_  
_But he had been told it could never be._  
_The boy, Thomas, grew up fast_  
_And the others found they could meet him at last._  
_Together the new group celebrated together_  
_While the other side was alone in the cold weather._  
_His first time out had gone as expected_  
_He wished Thomas understood he just wanted him protected._

* * *

* * *

Virgil sat in the living room inside Thomas’ mind. The apartment had taken some time to get used to after so long in the old configuration of the mind palace. he guessed this was better for a layout. His place was still super far away from the others.

Usually he would not be out in the open but Princey, Logic, and Morality were out in the real world. Since showing themselves to Thomas the three of them had been very active in and out of the mind space. Either for video ideas or just talking with Thomas.

Right now they were on screen with Thomas.

Patton messing around in the kitchen with an elf-hat on; probably making cookies. Roman was around the Christmas tree singing along to the song on the T.V. show with Thomas right next to him. Logan was on the couch with a Santa hat on, probably given to him by Roman. He looked relaxed under the comfy, holiday themed blanket.

Anxiety curled more under his blanket and rested his chin on his knees. Since Thomas had become a larger part of the picture Virgil had been pushed further to the side. Appearing to the other when the others were not around just labeled him as a problem for them to get rid of.

“How does this look, Thomas? I would say it is my best work yet,” Roman stepped back from the Christmas tree with a large smile.

“It’s very…red and gold,” Thomas laughs, “Kind of throws off my side of the tree.”

When Thomas moved so did what Anxiety could see. The left out side let a chuckle out at the sight of all the brightly decorated side of the tree. Thomas’ side was a bit more personal; less about the color.

“I think they go well together,” Patton said happily as he brought out a plate of cookies. “Match you both amazingly.”

The chipper side sat down next to Logic and stuck a cookie in the more logical trait’s mouth before he could protest sharing the blanket.

The scene was so…nice. Anxiety tried to ignore the pain of loneliness as he watched. After so many Christmases alone he thought he would be used to being alone; he never got to see what he was missing.

He never got to see the presents under the tree, or how the tree was decorated. Never saw cookies freshly made or the smiles on their faces.

They did not even seem concerned about where he was or how he was doing.

The smile on Virgil’s face turned into a frown and he let the tv screen go off just as Patton began to chant for another round of watching Frosty the Snowman.

In the silence of the house he felt his own thought beginning to swarm him.

Failure.

Outcast.

Unloved.

Loser.

Anxiety pulled the blanket over his head and squeezed his eyes tight.

There was no holiday cheer when he was alone in the mind space. Just pain and loneliness.

* * *

 

* * *

 

 _Of course, now we know that this is Christmases Past._  
_He is no longer the outcast._  
_Roman, Patton, Logan, and Thomas too,_  
_Had finally gotten the clue_  
_With welcoming arms, they let him join in_  
_And celebrated when they got him to grin._  
_We can leave it at that; in breathtaking glory_  
_For this is the end to this little story._


End file.
